None of us can honestly say that no one ever gave us anything or helped us. It's natural to feel grateful. However, if the benefit we receive comes with strings attached, we may feel the burden of gratitude rather than the warm glow a truly free gift inspires.
It's easy to misjudge others. Since no one truly knows the hidden nature of another person, it pays to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Still, we all know the feeling of being maneuvered into something, and few of us enjoy the experience. Unfortunately, sometimes a giver of gifts has an agenda beyond making the recipient of their kindness happy.
We can also feel two or more emotions at once. These are well termed 'mixed feelings'. We can be really thankful while also feeling imposed upon or even violated. In that case, we may wish the whole experience had never happened.
Refusing a favor or gift may not be so easy. Children are especially vulnerable because they are dependent. If a parent gives - as parents are expected to do - but expects extravagant gratefulness, greater obedience, or some other behavior modification in return, it strains the relationship. Children are sensitive to what they see as injustice or manipulation.
If a parent - who has a natural obligation to provide certain things - demands more than a natural response, the child may suffer. "I work my fingers to the bone for you", a mother may moan. "You should be glad to spend every week-end at home helping out. Your friends don't care for you like I do!" In this case, the child is asked to sacrifice free time to pay a debt they shouldn't owe. They probably don't ask for servile devotion and would gladly settle for less in exchange for freedom.
A coworker may have a right to expect equal favors in return for favors done. However, if these expectations mean that they hold a grievance if they don't get 'paid back', they are expecting more than gratitude. Their bad manners or poor judgement don't automatically let you off the hook, but you may want to be cautious about receiving favors in future. If their expectations include wanting you to cover for improper behavior on their part, things are even harder to handle.
Sometimes simple good manners can take care of the situation. Write your detestable aunt a thank you note or acknowledge the favor at work quickly. The next step is to let things go on as before. If you are out on your own, your parent's gesture may be a bid for attention. Only you can tell if you should visit or call more often. It's possible that, if they make you feel ungrateful, you really are.
Of course, being in the wrong (however slightly) doesn't mean you feel any better about the situation. You may have to put up with the imposition of gratitude, if the relationship is important to you or your job depends on it. Otherwise, you might be able to change the dynamics (change jobs or move out of state) to make sure you won't have to endure this again.
It's easy to misjudge others. Since no one truly knows the hidden nature of another person, it pays to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Still, we all know the feeling of being maneuvered into something, and few of us enjoy the experience. Unfortunately, sometimes a giver of gifts has an agenda beyond making the recipient of their kindness happy.
We can also feel two or more emotions at once. These are well termed 'mixed feelings'. We can be really thankful while also feeling imposed upon or even violated. In that case, we may wish the whole experience had never happened.
Refusing a favor or gift may not be so easy. Children are especially vulnerable because they are dependent. If a parent gives - as parents are expected to do - but expects extravagant gratefulness, greater obedience, or some other behavior modification in return, it strains the relationship. Children are sensitive to what they see as injustice or manipulation.
If a parent - who has a natural obligation to provide certain things - demands more than a natural response, the child may suffer. "I work my fingers to the bone for you", a mother may moan. "You should be glad to spend every week-end at home helping out. Your friends don't care for you like I do!" In this case, the child is asked to sacrifice free time to pay a debt they shouldn't owe. They probably don't ask for servile devotion and would gladly settle for less in exchange for freedom.
A coworker may have a right to expect equal favors in return for favors done. However, if these expectations mean that they hold a grievance if they don't get 'paid back', they are expecting more than gratitude. Their bad manners or poor judgement don't automatically let you off the hook, but you may want to be cautious about receiving favors in future. If their expectations include wanting you to cover for improper behavior on their part, things are even harder to handle.
Sometimes simple good manners can take care of the situation. Write your detestable aunt a thank you note or acknowledge the favor at work quickly. The next step is to let things go on as before. If you are out on your own, your parent's gesture may be a bid for attention. Only you can tell if you should visit or call more often. It's possible that, if they make you feel ungrateful, you really are.
Of course, being in the wrong (however slightly) doesn't mean you feel any better about the situation. You may have to put up with the imposition of gratitude, if the relationship is important to you or your job depends on it. Otherwise, you might be able to change the dynamics (change jobs or move out of state) to make sure you won't have to endure this again.
About the Author:
When you are searching for information about the burden of gratitude, visit the web pages online today. More details are available at http://belaabel.com now.
0 comments:
Post a Comment